Double standards in the society
Men's double standards
1) Men want their girlfriends and wives to look pretty on their arms, enough to show off to friends and bring home to parents. They want their partners to look lovely to remind them of the reasons why they fell in love in the first place. They want their partners as sexy as possible to feel the physical attraction towards her.
YET
They want the ladies to save money and don't spend so much money on shopping, on clothes, on make up, on hair and facial products. They feel that girls without make up are also pretty, that what they love are their character and natural self. But we all know that guys are visual creatures, and when the girls make up beautifully, they hover protectively, stare at them more frequently and admire appreciatively. Natural self is not without make up but with light make up that they cannot detect. So, how do girls look their prettiest without going shopping and spending on those beauty products?
2) Guys feel that their wives should know how to cook. They should prepare a sumptuous breakfast to start off the day and cook a wonderful dinner everyday after work. The wives should also go to the market and buy the fresh and healthy ingredients and not use MSG, canned food or other unhealthy food. Not to forget, the children must also be taken care of and not bother the father reading the news or watching soccer.
YET
The guys do not want to help out with any of the house work. The washing up of the dishes were also left to the women after meals. It used to be this way when the women do not have to work, but now even when the women have to work, they guys still do not help out. Who will do the mopping, the cleaning up, the shopping of food and still take care of the kids? Why can't the house work be distributed so that she also get to rest? You surely should have got married to a maid.
3) Most of the guys like to compare their partners and show off that they are more 'manly' than their friends due to their over-inflated ego. They can brag about how well they can tame the girl, how that girl can really accommodate him and loudly exclaim that when 男人说一，女人不敢说二。It looks more impressive to his friends that the guys can really 'wear the pants' in a relationship.
YET
More often than not, they give in to their girlfriends too readily when the girls just have to do so much as a little whine. They will pacify, hoax, coax their girlfriends if they are angry, even doing anything that the girlfriends wants, just to win back their smiles. With just a little tantrum and some skills, the guys are eagerly waiting to carry their cute, pink bags, to pay for the bills, to send them home and even to allow some actions that are beneath their pride (try on some make up, do some 'act cute actions'...). So, are they considered manly?
Women's double standards
1) The guy-girl equality has been a quest for the women for many decades. We want guys to treat us as equal and without making us feel that we are the weaker and more vulnerable sex. We are now able to vote, work, get equal pay and even hold significant post in the parliament. We want more representation in government and also in private sectors.
YET
We still expect guys to open the doors for us, to be a gentlemen and let the ladies board the buses first. We expect them to pay for the bill most of the times, to give in to our tantrums and be the protective figure in the household, even expecting them to repair all spoilt household items. There will never be equality.
2) We tend to ask our boyfriends these questions "Do I look fat/fatter?" "Am I pretty enough?" "Am I being too bossy/mean/insert your own adjectives?" "Is my cooking tasty?" We expect total honesty from their answers and in our mind, we know that if the answer is not as pleasant as expected, we will try to improve on ourselves.
YET
The moment the truth is out, anger appears faster than the appreciation of honesty. We clarify that we are not angry for the truth, but think of some other reasons or excuses that our boyfriends made us upset. When their answer is neutral or positive, we don't really believe their words though. They will never understand why we are asking those questions when we don't need the truth, but that we need assurances and white lies.
3) We ask our boyfriends these questions"What to eat later?" "Where do we go tomorrow?" "What do you want to do today?" We expect them to have an answer, we want them to be decisive, to make the important decisions, to plan for things ahead.
YET
When they suggest a place or made a decision, we voice out our own suggestions that have been in our mind all this while and hope they go along with us. We can even substantiate it with reasons why our decisions are better and they, of course, obligingly went along with our plans. When they do not have a decision, we will be mad at them for being indecisive, leaving all the decisions to us, but no, we do not want to suggest our plans first. Do we expect them to be decisive or to just make a random decision since they know we are going to change it anyway?
1) Men want their girlfriends and wives to look pretty on their arms, enough to show off to friends and bring home to parents. They want their partners to look lovely to remind them of the reasons why they fell in love in the first place. They want their partners as sexy as possible to feel the physical attraction towards her.
YET
 |
| Are you sure you prefer the natural self? (Source: Courtney Rhodes at flickr) |
2) Guys feel that their wives should know how to cook. They should prepare a sumptuous breakfast to start off the day and cook a wonderful dinner everyday after work. The wives should also go to the market and buy the fresh and healthy ingredients and not use MSG, canned food or other unhealthy food. Not to forget, the children must also be taken care of and not bother the father reading the news or watching soccer.
YET
_takes_a_break_in_the_ship%27s_library_as_he_watch_a_movie.jpg&ei=ZUZtVaLzEo2iugSXs4DoDg&bvm=bv.94455598,d.c2E&psig=AFQjCNHTDi9rx36nAxuYLsr7G_b2_6uNeg&ust=1433310956811565) |
| Relax after work! (Source: Wikipedia) |
3) Most of the guys like to compare their partners and show off that they are more 'manly' than their friends due to their over-inflated ego. They can brag about how well they can tame the girl, how that girl can really accommodate him and loudly exclaim that when 男人说一，女人不敢说二。It looks more impressive to his friends that the guys can really 'wear the pants' in a relationship.
YET
More often than not, they give in to their girlfriends too readily when the girls just have to do so much as a little whine. They will pacify, hoax, coax their girlfriends if they are angry, even doing anything that the girlfriends wants, just to win back their smiles. With just a little tantrum and some skills, the guys are eagerly waiting to carry their cute, pink bags, to pay for the bills, to send them home and even to allow some actions that are beneath their pride (try on some make up, do some 'act cute actions'...). So, are they considered manly?
Women's double standards
1) The guy-girl equality has been a quest for the women for many decades. We want guys to treat us as equal and without making us feel that we are the weaker and more vulnerable sex. We are now able to vote, work, get equal pay and even hold significant post in the parliament. We want more representation in government and also in private sectors.
 |
| Never equal... |
We still expect guys to open the doors for us, to be a gentlemen and let the ladies board the buses first. We expect them to pay for the bill most of the times, to give in to our tantrums and be the protective figure in the household, even expecting them to repair all spoilt household items. There will never be equality.
2) We tend to ask our boyfriends these questions "Do I look fat/fatter?" "Am I pretty enough?" "Am I being too bossy/mean/insert your own adjectives?" "Is my cooking tasty?" We expect total honesty from their answers and in our mind, we know that if the answer is not as pleasant as expected, we will try to improve on ourselves.
YET
 |
| It always hurts... |
3) We ask our boyfriends these questions"What to eat later?" "Where do we go tomorrow?" "What do you want to do today?" We expect them to have an answer, we want them to be decisive, to make the important decisions, to plan for things ahead.
YET
When they suggest a place or made a decision, we voice out our own suggestions that have been in our mind all this while and hope they go along with us. We can even substantiate it with reasons why our decisions are better and they, of course, obligingly went along with our plans. When they do not have a decision, we will be mad at them for being indecisive, leaving all the decisions to us, but no, we do not want to suggest our plans first. Do we expect them to be decisive or to just make a random decision since they know we are going to change it anyway?
Jes
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some things just never change haha
ReplyDeleteHi Jimmy,
DeleteHumans are creatures of habits... But being aware of the double standards make us more open to change.... I hope! :)
Olivia Wilde, wa seh chiobu, haha!
ReplyDeleteI feel you on the double standards though. I try not to have as many of them as I can!
Hi GMGH,
DeleteNow I know how to grab your attention! Haha but without make up not chio leh =S
Great! Just be conscious about it and I think we can be changed slowly.. Fun to point it out yeah? Hehe.
More often than not men & women are different in the way they think, act and want. There are outliers, but hey isn't it said that "exception that proves the rule"?
ReplyDeleteSpice of life I guess, as long as don't fight all the time :)
Anon7
Hi Anon7,
DeleteI agree with you, that it keeps life interesting. It's so hard to fully understand another person so they will keep surprising us!
Fighting is unavoidable... It also keeps relationship interesting and allow for deeper understanding, that's for verbal arguing and not something more violent haha.
Thanks for dropping by!
Usually the effect on one, affects your life partner or colleague too. I am always for the greater good for both genders. Also, the same gender fights for more than equality; example, wife and mother in law.
ReplyDeleteHi Money Honey,
DeleteOh good point! Wife and mother in law is more difficult I think. The guy is the sandwich and whatever the men do cannot make everyone happy. Haha that's for extreme cases but worth considering! =P
Hi Jes,
ReplyDeleteGood post here, especially the last paragraph. Have experienced it so many times. Asked wifey for restaurant suggestion and she'd say, "Anything." Choose the wrong restaurant and she'd complain. Life is tough. =_="
Nonetheless, I think society is changing. I've heard from some lady friends that their hubbies are still quite MCP. But I do not think it is representative. For e.g. I bathe my baby boy of one year old and feed him dinner. I do all the marketing. And I don't see anything unmanly about it. :)
You have my full respect.
DeleteHi SRSI,
DeleteNice to hear from you again! I am similar to your wife and was guilty of that previously. Someone had to point it out to me before I realised what I was doing and tried to change gradually. You would think it is obvious but it is not so communication is the key!
Actually, I do have some colleagues who still have MCP husbands and I don't understand how they can silently endure all the work. But I can't judge and every relationship has their own system. I am glad you are a good husband and I am sure your wife knows that :)
So true. What inspired you to post this? Some incident happened?
ReplyDeleteHi Weiqi,
DeleteOh nothing drastic. This was an old post and I dug it out to revamp it. It's based on my own double standards and then some observations. Since someone had to point it out to me before I realised and change, I hope to highlight it to everyone so people could understand their own behaviour and become a better partner. Men and women certainly think things differently!
Thanks for the concern anyway =)