Of stress and infertility

Jes 4 Comments

Chinese New Year is scary. The annual gossip sessions for aunties where they either ask when you are getting a partner, getting married or getting pregnant. Or when it is time for your next child. A fine line between concerned and being overly pushy. I have some friends who are so stressed they prefer to stay home instead.

If you are single and the concerned adults keep asking you to find a partner, it is stressful enough. They should know love and fate cannot be forced.

However, if one is trying for a baby and are not getting one yet, while these seniors kept asking why you don't intend to grow your family, the stress digs much deeper and becomes more painful.

Not all of them are sensitive to your well-being. I have a cousin who tried very long to have a baby. People thought inaccurately that they did not want a child. Some accused the couple of not trying hard enough, working too much, not staying healthy. The rest blamed the girl for not wanting to get pregnant, for being selfish and still wants to enjoy.

It's always the girls' fault.

It got so bad she exploded and scolded all of them. I don't think the seniors understood how stressful it was on the girl's part. For not being able to get pregnant, for not being a complete female, for not able to give birth, for being a failure. It's not rational but when you can't get pregnant, you think illogical ideas.

Yes go for a health check up. Do go for IVF. It's still not 100%.

All of them do terribly want to be a mother. It does not help that you are reminding them of their 'failures', of their deficiencies. Please stay away from probing too much. It does not concern you if you only ask of it once a year. Remember to help distract these aunties from distressed cousins!

If you keep doing the same thing, you might just keep getting the same results. I have many friends who encountered such issues but all of them successfully got pregnant after a few amendments to their lives:

1) Change job - If it's too stressful, it probably doesn't help your life. Coincidentally, many of them are teachers who have had issues.
2) Change role - If you keep travelling, life may just be too hectic to coincide with the proper ovulation period.
3) Change lifestyle - If you are not ovulating every month, you are not healthy. Be healthy and love yourself first before you can take care of another. Eat well, exercise, sleep more.
4) Change mindset - Easier said than done but the more expectations you have, the more disappointment you will have. Have fun, be spontaneous, try new things.
5) Seek help - You are not alone from the recent news as more couples seek help to conceive.

It's not your fault, just remember that. Ignore those wagging tongues and start by improving your own well being!


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  1. Hi Jes,

    I think that Male plays a very important role here too. Cannot fully blame the female. Just because his stomach wouldn’t get bigger, it doesn’t means that his tadpoles are strong!!

    Looking at the society today.. I start to fear a little if it will ever happens to me. But wait.. I’m single just like counters during GFC! Nobody wants me yet!

    Need to wait for white knight!! Hehehe

    1. Hi Sleepydevil,

      Very true, the husband need to protect the wife la! But sometimes in front of seniors and relatives, very hard to go on the defensive because it might even make things worse. Both need to go body check up together, of course.

      Don't worry la, looking at your jovial nature, I am sure you will handle things maturely. You need to wait patiently for the right one, probably start by looking towards your own circle of friends =P

  2. Hi Jes,

    Very true, I"m quite lucky in the sense that we got a child shortly after trying. But I have female friends who try for quite a while and the period whereby they are trying, people are always asking/probing/judging which doesn't really help their stress levels..

    1. Hi Wife Say I Niao,

      Yeah seeing how stressed up my friends are made me question if I have been poking around too much too. So that made me aware of their headaches and difficulties, thinking how I would feel if I am the one who is trying for long. Probably the older generation who are more insensitive I guess...