Should I take down this post? (My boss asked me to shut up Part 2)

Jes 21 Comments

I am deeply humbled and honoured by the outpouring of concern over my job and my future. I would like to take this opportunity to thank every one of you for being so nice and thoughtful towards me. I am happy I got to know some new friends who wrote to me to provide me with job opportunities and other helpful advice.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

Flowers for all of you!

Of course, there are also some who worry about me. These are people who fear for my future when I post this publicly and I know they have the best intentions for me. They really do care for me and their words do made me ponder if I should keep the last post about my ex-boss.

Will I be able to find another job?
What if my future employers knew about my "bad-mouth" post?
What if I gossip about other future bosses too?

This might definitely irk some people to not want to employ me. However, I have thought through this for very long. Trust me, my first few drafts were totally ranting, bashing out and cathartic so you have read the more objective and less angry final version.

That post's main purpose was not to bash anyone at all.

The main aim is to show others that there are indeed such bosses. If you have encountered them, you are not alone, you don't have to be afraid. Nobody has to tolerate disrespectful colleagues, not even bosses. Toxic people should be kept away, even friends can turn toxic too. Asking me to "Shut up" has not happened to me my whole life and there is no reason I should kowtow to my boss and take it like a whipped animal.

I deserve respect.

I did my part in talking to him but none of my communication methods worked.  My predecessors warned me and told everyone in the industry but I did not believe them. I am not without fault. I could have done better, tried harder to avoid building up to this.

Not surprisingly, some of the management team already knew about his micro-management style because they told me they can't do anything about it for now. I don't really care, I don't want to do justice or seek revenge, I just want to find my own path towards happiness. My option is to leave.

I tried and I failed and I have no regrets.

My ideal journey, travelling and eating everywhere!
I have let it go because the steps towards doing my own business has been fulfilling and enriching. I believe my ex-boss has taught me a lot. I don't want to take down any of my posts because if I don't write about it, perhaps nobody would. Everyone might just be too afraid of repercussions. For good reasons too, maybe this post might come back to haunt me in the future.

 I wouldn't ask my daughter to take it down, so I feel that's my best answer.

A final note of caution: Never bash your ex-boss or gossip about his faults during your job interviews, no matter how right you think you are. Similarly, never reveal all during your first date! =P

It's because so many of you encouraged me and egged me to write more, this naive, silly girl shall continue to venture forward and will still continue to write on her encounters.

Stay tuned.  

Jes

If you have benefited from this post, support our first business venture at snackfirst.com or like us on Facebook!

21 comments:

  1. Some of us don't like nasty or lousy bosses and we can't work under such nasty or lousy bosses even when the pay are attractive. The alternative may be self-employed or free lance. Not all of us will kowtow to bosses when bosses say Jump; we reply How high> When they say shut up; we zip our mouth with masking tape.

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    1. Hi Uncle CW,

      Yeah man. Maybe we are Millennials so we feel more optimistic. If this company cannot work out then likely we can keep finding until there is another company. We are less focused on job security but more on the job satisfaction. 8 hours, 5 days a week is too much to let anyone corrode our confidence and self worth ;)

      Delete
  2. Now i believe you are really a straight forward "Nu Zong Hao CHET".

    Accept my respect.

    For me i usually last 3 to 5 years in a company, because i found out no matter how good was my work performance, i must know office politics too.

    Though i understand must know office politics to survive working in a company, somehow i always screwed up with office politics.

    i just keep to myself lol.

    i was just too SQ no other shape i was willing to fit in.

    i always am and even now.

    But i can accept myself after the many struggles.

    Can U?

    i know by the way U express, U the CAN-MAN.

    Err...... Woman of character.

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    1. Hi Temperament,

      Wah, saw your comment "I am just too happy if I could have a daughter or sister like her." I really want to cry lor! Thank you so much, I don't know what I did to deserve your respect, but I am so happy you think this way. My parents would be proud! :)

      To be honest, I just started this struggling journey. The end point is still long away, I am not sure if I can survive but I will definitely try my best. As it's a marathon, I still have many trials and tribulations to conquer before I can really say I deserve your respect.

      For now, it's just probably a naive girl thinking outside is better. I might just realise the world is super cruel outside. You are right that office politics is one key thing to learn. No leh, I don't think you should ever change yourself to fit the company. Rather, you should change the company. That's the new age people thinking because we job hop all the time. Probably as SMOL said, when money is tight and there are no jobs, we might just swallow our pride. You have accepted yourself, now my turn to find my paths!

      Thanks for making my day! =D

      Delete
  3. Jes,

    Here comes the "yalor, yalor" fan brigade ;)

    LOL!


    Notice one big glaring difference between the 2 senior gentlemen and you?

    They both OUTSIDE the matrix.

    I have a suspicion if you are their daughter or son, they wouldn't cheer you on like that ;)


    But enough poking my esteem cyber friends! Now back to you...

    "It's because so many of you ENCOURAGED me and EGGED me to write more" ???

    Jes, write because you WANT to. Or LOVE so.

    That's GIRL POWER.

    If not, its just jumping out from the pot and into the fire. Its still about seeking affirmations from others.

    How's that any difference from pleasing your boss?


    What's the acid test?

    If your business does not take off and you remain unemployed for the next 2 years... See how many of those cyber friends that encouraged and egged you on will come forward to lend you money to tide you over ;)

    I'm not cynical; just a realist.

    I've been between jobs before during my lost years in my early 20s. Its hard to have a striaght spine when the pocket is empty...




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    1. SMOL,
      Maybe after how many years I have been blogging in your blog you still don't really know me.

      I am just too happy if I could have a daughter or sister like her.

      "Ming Ren Bu Choa An Se".

      Delete
    2. Hi Jared,

      I know you, that's why your alternative point of view is always welcome and refreshing. You are not trying to dissuade me or pour cold water over me, but probably just half a bucket to wake me up, haha! I know you mean well with the realistic opinion and I like that you challenge me :)

      I don't deny I seek affirmation. With more encouragement, I do have more motivation to write further. With more criticisms, I will definitely be less passionate to write so honestly in my posts. I admit I don't have girl power, I never do. I want to write true things but if true stories are not well accepted by the audience then I won't waste time. After all, there is a reason why I chose anonymity. Writing is a hobby but if it gives me headaches, it will not longer be enjoyable and words cannot flow as easily as I wanted.

      Indeed, no money no talk. I am feeling the heat of it. I am afraid, but what's the worst that could happen? I go back to working for others, probably working alongside you :D

      Delete
    3. So Jared, I take it that you willing to loan me money? LOL!

      Delete
  4. A few years back, in a move that was destructive to both career and wealth, I left employment without having secured a new one. I didn't even know what I wanted to do in life. What I eventually gained out of it was much, much more. I'm not saying that it will be easy or smooth-sailing. It's not. But YES, it IS possible. If this had happened to my wife, I would say to her : "don't worry, whatever you do, I will support your decision".

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    1. Hi Kevin,

      You are a great husband, at least you won't nag your wife, haha! I think right now, it's an exploratory stage so spousal support is very important. Even my parents feel that I should do it partly because they are business owners themselves.

      I agree with you, one door closes, many other opens. It's not smooth sailing but at least it has been satisfying. That's one emotion I have not felt for a long time. The sense of pride and ownership is something that you can't find working for others. I am thankful you decided to contribute your story and it looks like you have been through a lot. Will definitely need more of your advice along the way. Thank you!

      Delete
  5. Jes,

    I'll give you a kick! I never cheered you on for "quitting", did I?

    When it rains, you want to take shelter in under my umbrella, I'll shove you out ;)


    I'm just bemused people read your version of the story without listening to your boss' side and can already decide you are whiter than white ;) LOL!

    I've quitted many times before during my lost years... So I know quitting. And its not the same as quitting when we are ahead ;)


    Quitting is easy.

    If we can depend on our parents, husband, wife to bail us out.

    Now you can do so. Got coffee tea or me mah.


    I'll reserve my respect to you when you soldiered on with true grit, despite the slings and arrows, because you want to support your husband's business (fledgling business is cash flow negative; your salary is cash flow positive) ;)


    I've got colleagues who are "condemned" by company, other collegues know so they bullied them... I asked why they still staying on?

    Some stayed because of their children's education - still in poly or universities.

    Some got sick siblings, parents, or children - need constant medical care.

    Some because they are the sold breadwinner in the family - the other half...


    You got my respect when you went for natural child birth!

    Nah, why would I cheer you on if you have for opted for caesarian?




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    1. Hi Jared,

      There are so many things I disagree with you, I don't even know where to start, haha!

      "I have a suspicion if you are their daughter or son, they wouldn't cheer you on like that" - No wonder so many don't dare to leave their job and try something else.

      "If we can depend on our parents, husband, wife to bail us out. " - I am quite disappointed you think I would live off anyone or that I have not thought it through financially.

      I don't think the others thought I am right while my boss is doing wrong. They just thought my decision to quit is right as there is no point staying on to a boss who does not appreciates you.

      I respect the people you mentioned who stayed on a terrible job to feed their family. I respect their resilience. What I really admire is people who dare to turn their lives around, getting out from being bullied or living salary by salary, and in the end, upgrading themselves and having enough money to take care of others. Now that's a great underdog story.

      Even for women who opted for caesarian, I think we should not judge too harshly. Being a mum is a tough job and let's not be too critical on people who you think "took the easy way out." Then you can easily be critical of people who don't want to give birth!

      Agreeing to disagree is fun :D

      Delete
    2. Hi Mr SMOL,

      She has planned for this long and hard, hence she doesn't need any coffee, tea or me. No chance feel I got money, I am powerful and I'm important :|

      Delete
  6. Maybe you are the one who is toxic. There must be a reason or reasons why you were told to zip up in a nasty way. Bosses are bosses. Act like one only when you are one.

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    1. Hi Burp,

      I definitely did something to upset him, no doubt about that. No matter what, behaviour should be kept professional. People lash out because they themselves are angry or upset but yet cannot process it in a healthy way. Hopefully you are not like that :)

      Delete
  7. Jes,

    No fun one :(

    I keep pressing and pressing, still you didn't scream at me to fxxx off...


    I see you didn't reply immediately with emotion but slept over it to reply calmly :)


    Even as our own boss, we still have to face difficult and nasty customers. I think you'll do fine handling them.

    Having said that, I've been known to tell customers to take their business elsewhere ;)

    LOL!




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    1. Hi Jared,

      Come on, why would you press me?! Probably because I am happy right now so, don't feel the need to lash out. If I need to borrow money that time, maybe will scold you until need to take it offline, hahaha!

      Actually no la, I was not offended. Your one need a long reply so cannot do it beside a screaming toddler, cannot concentrate, LOL! Lucky I never ask you to shut up! :)

      As an employee, just throw everything and blame your boss, it works in every way! For my own business, why turn these customers away when you can charge them higher?! Haha no la, I still have a long way to go, maybe haven meet the ultimate nasty customer, someone like you perhaps? =P

      Delete
  8. IMHO, no reasonable, sane and educated person will use 'shut up'.

    How about:-
    - can you keep your voice down?
    - can you let me speak instead?
    - can you reserve your comments to yourself?
    bla bla bla

    Life is short, don't tolerate toxic people (and of course toxic comments) :D

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    1. Hi Coftea,

      Well, perhaps we had time to think things through. From my ex-boss, I think all he wants is to get the message across in the most effective way, with no regard of my feelings. Come to think of it, there are so many ways to phrase it, can't believe he has to use shut up.

      I think so, I try to stay away and ended up quitting. Out of the pan and into the fire? =P

      Delete
  9. Hi Jes,

    When making important life decisions full of uncertainty, nobody really know whether it is going to be right or wrong one at that point. The outcome will be known only several years down the road. As long as the reasoning behind the decision is sound and the worst-case scenario is tolerable, I think it is ok to do whatever your heart tells you to.

    I think many of us here who have worked for at least >15 years should have experienced similar situation as you. I am no stranger to quitting job. My personal experience is that when making important life decisions, the self-honesty to ask myself unpleasant questions is critical. I asked myself, am I quitting because I cannot take the hardship and stress? If that is the case, it is my own problem and I am probably going to face the same problem wherever I go. The boss made remarks which was not respectful to me then. Would I have done the same thing if I were in his shoes? Am I quitting to teach him a lesson and get back at him? The project was very stressful to everyone at that time. On second thoughts, I concluded it was normal of him to be disrespectful and lose patience at the heat of the moment. I think my children will disown me if they were to apply the same, strict standard on me. Of course, our situations are different and only the person involved knows best. Reading your side of the story only, it sounds like I had much better luck and had a better boss than you.

    I don't think it is necessary to take down your post. Posting online anonymously to spill out the innermost, frustrating thoughts is a mentally healthy exercise. Much better to release online than lose it all and release it off-line face-to-face to your boss.

    I am not going to encourage nor discourage your decision. I just want to wish you all the best in your entrepreneurial journey. I like healthy food. When your business grows and achieve economy of scale, do consider lowering the price, ok? Thanks!

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  10. Hi Hyom Hyom,

    Indeed, I think if I can live without regrets on the decision I make today, even if I suffer any consequences, I will happily bear with them.

    Well, if you boss did not ask you to shut up, then your boss is better than mine, haha! Actually I did not have any problems with my previous bosses, both of them want me back to work for them, so I hope the problem is just a clash of character. He is not a bad person, I just don't like his managerial style. I don't want to justify my actions but the whole team under him feels the same way and left right after me.

    Yeah man, I know I won't shout at him or anything because nothing good can come out of it, and I want nothing more from him. Physical exercise is a better form of stress relieve :)

    Thank you so much for supporting and advising me. I don't aim to be the cheapest but hopefully give great quality and service. Honestly, I will not be lowering the prices but there will always be sales promotion here and there (recently $2.90 almonds at qoo10) so do watch out for it!

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