''I Chose Not to Have Kids—and Money Was a Big Reason''

Jes , 4 Comments

Oh no, this was not said by me but by this article. I find it very interesting and was asking myself why our General Paper topics are not more like this. For the lazy bums, to summarize, this 50s lady chose not to have kids because:
1) She does not want kids even though she met someone in her 40s. They eventually broke off because her partner wanted kids.
2) She used her time and limited money in her career building up her own bookkeeping business
3) The extra time and money she used it to do something she is passionate about, which is helping other women. No way she could have done it if she had kids
4) She has $125k set aside for retirement and half a million dollars worth of business
5) Instead of investing in kids, she has invested in herself



For most of you pro-family readers, don't be too quick to slam her. Take some time to think about an alternate perspective and let's review her choices:

1) I can understand people not wanting kids. Seriously, I have friends who know they are not mother material before they meet their partner and their stances have not changed after they got married. It's a lifestyle choice and definitely there are more than 10% of women who regretted this decision. Similarly, around 20% of mothers regretted having children. It's up to each person but I really hope people don't live with regrets.

Ask yourself which you would regret more: With or without kids?

2) Starting own business is surely an exhausting thing and demands more than the fair share of time and money. She started her business at 28 but her real dilemma of having kids came only when she was 40. I think she is justifying her position in this case. She might just be as successful with kids. Oprah Winfrey is one famous example who reiterated that it would be difficult to have a family amid a busy career, and she is the richest African American and one of the most influential woman in the world.

Ask if you want to see yourself surrounded by kids when you are successful.
The bundle of joy or annoyance?
3) No way she could have extra time and money with kids and this is what I think is the main point- To find out what you are passionate in. If having kids prevents you from doing things you are passionate about, are you still willing to have them? I would think that kids may need more energy and time in the first 10 years, are you able to put your passion on hold?

Ask yourself what you are passionate about and if you are willing to sacrifice for kids.

4) At age 50, I really feel that $125k is insufficient for retirement. I hope to have that amount by 30. She must really have financial issues or she is not saving enough. Perhaps she does not want a change in lifestyle and sacrifice for kids. However, do take note that your partner can also contribute so it's not a sole effort.

How much savings would you need before you decide to have kids?

5) When you start a family, there will be less me-time. This is a definite statement especially in the kids' first few years. Maybe there will be more alone time when the kids have grown older, but by then, the parents' schedule might be so centred around their kids.

How much sacrifices are you willing to make for your kids?
Licia Ronzulli bringing her baby to every EU parliament meetings
(Source: elephant journal.com)
I applaud her decision because ultimately, she is being responsible for her actions, rather than having irresponsible parents who neglect their children because they are unwilling to sacrifice. I will not follow suit because money is earned to be spent on your loved ones, and I believe kids will play a huge part. I don't want to live life thinking of What Ifs. If you think money can be spent on other means, so be it.

Just don't come to regret it.

Jes

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4 comments:

  1. Another question is, how many children you want?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi FD,

      The more the merrier, but for practical reasons, I guess 2 is the normal figure. I am guessing you have 2 kids too?

      Delete
  2. Hi Jes

    I only have 1. Because my wife and I are both working and have to juggle without maid and parents' support, therefore, it is quite taxing. Have been thinking whether to have 2nd child vs quality of life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi FD,

      Yeah, it's tough to juggle without any help. Well, this is a very difficult topic but think wisely because you got to stick with the decision for the rest of your life. I am sure you will make the right call :)

      Delete