It's ok not to breastfeed

Tuesday, September 06, 2016 Jes Familytalk 4 Comments

Being pregnant for 9 months is not easy, followed by enduring the pain to give birth to a baby. As if all these are not enough, there is still breastfeeding to contend with.

Being condemned if you walk down this aisle

The media and WHO have kept harping on breastfeeding being nutritious and beneficial to both mother and child and that women should persevere and insist on breastfeeding exclusively. The recommendation is for 6 months but if possible, up to 2 years. We learnt from forums and social media that formula milk is not as good as breast milk and if you want the best for your child, you will definitely have to breast feed.

That is where the problems come in - Not everyone has breast milk right from the start.

I have a friend who insisted on giving breast milk even though her breast milk supply has not kicked in. It takes 1 to 3 weeks for some women. Her baby was hungry and kept crying non stop but because formula was 'not good enough', she persisted and ultimately her baby was dehydrated and has to be taken to the hospital. The hospital gave the baby formula milk.

Has formula milk now become taboo?

I have another friend who could not breast feed due to mastitis. She broke down very often because she thought she was not fulfilling her role as a mother to give breast milk. In the public eyes, she was not giving her best to her child. People kept asking why she did not breast feed and judged that she did not want the trouble of doing so. She was at her breaking point for the first few weeks, crying non stop, feeling frustrated with herself.

I heard of another friend who has shortage of breast milk. Everyone around her does not seems to have problems at all. The mothers are even comparing to see who breastfeed the longest to show that they are more superior. A research on forums and support group asked her to persist and that her milk supply will eventually come in.  Babies need the good antibodies and nutrients from breast milk and they should not take the inferior formula milk. Coupled with stress, crying, disrupted sleep, judgement from outside, she committed suicide as she was so overwhelmed by everything. This is a real story and surprisingly believable to all mothers.

I am going to come right out and say that breastfeeding is not necessary.

If you have the breast milk, by all means, go ahead to feed your baby. If not, giving formula milk is fine. You will have to feed your baby before your milk supply comes in. Even if you give formula milk all the way, your baby will still grow up and be healthy. There might or might not be any difference but babies cannot and should not be starving. Feeding formula milk does not mean you are a bad mum or that you have failed. After all, before the 1990s, formula milk was common and widely accepted and many of us grow up to be healthy and strong.

I am the lucky few who had no problems breastfeeding but have heard so many horror stories on it. I have seen judgement from nurses in polyclinics, peers, public shaming by social media on women who do not breastfeed. All mothers want the best for their children so you should not judge when you do not know others' situation. This is very similar to women who want to get pregnant but were judged by others for being selfish and not wanting kids.

Please, don't judge. Stop imposing unnecessary standards on us.

P.S: Guys don't forget to take special care after your wife and put her at the top priority especially during confinement. It's really a stressful period.