Money is the root of all evil

Jes , 26 Comments

My friend's wife literally forced him to take a part time job on top of his full time job so that they can have more money to spend.

When he told us this, my jaw dropped literally.

I really hope this is not the normal way of thinking because this is quite worrying. Instead of thinking of ways to save and cut down on your current spendings, you are resorting to a harder way which is to earn more. Instead of reflecting on your own lifestyle, you have to work longer hours just to sustain it.

Even when you earn more, you are going to spend more. It is never going to be enough. People do not realise that they are stuck in this vicious cycle.

After which, the wife kicked her husband out of the house when he did not agree to do so and he had to stay in his parent's house for 2 nights before he is allowed to return home. I think my friend is not wrong as he refuses to earn more just to accommodate her spending. However, staying away from home is also not a good solution as the children suffers from the absence of their father. They should definitely talk things through and both should work out a plan. Both should make sacrifices. 

I heard that they are spending $600 on taxi fares and that is a real good place to start with the cost cutting. Bringing a kid to take public transport is tough but earning money is even tougher. Cutting down so as to allow for more savings should be much easier than earning more to fulfil your lavish wants. Apparently, some people think differently. We need to make sure that we save at least 20% of our pay because there should always be savings in our account to prepare for dire circumstances.

Isn't it tiring to always let money come between relationships? 

Jes

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26 comments:

  1. Quote : "Bringing a kid to take public transport is tough"

    This wife needs some kicking. LOL!

    My three adult "kids" grew up from taking public transport and started taking bus on their own to school from primary three onwards.

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    1. Hi Uncle CW8888,

      Yalor, I also took bus all the way in school until I had to buy a car for my job. Think it's because our strawberry generation cannot take hardships and really too spoilt, or just some of them too used to a luxury life. So the husband should kick the wife?

      Hehe thanks for dropping by! :)

      Delete
    2. Sometimes I think it's the parents who want the kids to have a luxury life... I had to ask my parents not to spoil me (but they still do). Well, good intentions, but...

      Delete
    3. Haha Wei Qi, you are bragging ah? =P

      Well, when the child is of a certain age, we cannot blame the parents anymore. The child needs to think for himself, like now you know their good intentions.

      Delete
  2. Jes,

    I am guessing the wife is not working ;)

    On the surface it looks like its about money.

    The reality is about "entitlement" mindset.

    Other people's husbands can bring home, buy this and that, pay for; etc...



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    1. Hi Jared,

      She is working, but I think bare minimum wages, or just never enough for herself. Aiyo, compare here and there, sure die one. Husband will ki-siao after a while I think!

      So how, like that how to satisfy her if you got a wife like that?! :P

      Delete
    2. Jes,

      Oh! I guessed wrong!

      I thought she from well to do family background; not used to "ordinary" lifestyle by marrying down...

      Bare minimum wage is what I do on the selling floor when I started out :(

      Bare minimum wage already talk so loud; what if she graduate wife earning big bucks?

      I can only give your friend a hug. And maybe buy him beer?

      That's how women sap the manhood out of men - compare with others...

      Lucky mom never complained why other kids got As and I got Ds :)

      Delete
    3. Hi Jared,

      Maybe middle class family but only daughter so family give her good life, spoil her quite a bit, I think.

      Aiya, seriously even if she earn big bucks she will spend big bucks.. precisely why the family will always be stuck in the vicious cycle.

      Buy him beer, let him drown his sorrows ah? So sad. Your mum is smart, you also never complain why other family got porsche and maids while you don't have... Anyway, now you are financially capable, got Ds so what? :)

      Delete
  3. Hi Jes, I think the wife needs to attend expenditure management course.
    If husband is to be responsible for bringing the bread home, wife is responsible for stretching it into one that's enough for the household.

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    1. Hi 22C,

      I think you are right, both of them need to attend some courses. Maybe the wife thinks she is only responsible to spend husband's money. After all, her money is her money, the husband's money is also her money, haha!

      Delete
  4. Hi Jes,

    That sounds tough. Agree that they should focus on reducing expenses since increasing income can be difficult. Good advice that you have provided!

    Cheers,
    TFS

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    1. Hi TFS,

      Welcome to my blog! Yeah, earning money is never easy. I think it is good advice but they never listen... so I can only share it here and hope others will listen :P

      Delete
  5. The more fundamental issue here is the challenging relationship between the husband and wife. Where is the respect, the love and the understanding for each other?

    Nothing can be built on poor foundation. Money is just one of the issues that's bound to come up. Wish ur friend all the best...

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    Replies
    1. Hi Kevin,

      Spot on! It's the relationship that is crucial here and the husband is unable to influence the wife positively. With more money, then more respect, love and understanding.. haha. That's why nowadays some people look at the pocket first before choosing partners. Materialistic or practical? Got money then no more problems?

      Delete
  6. Aiya don't forget the saying, " Open both eyes as big as you can before marriage and close one eye after."
    My girlfriend don't want to take taxi one even if i suggest.
    Guess who is my wife now.
    After marriage, guess almost all her jewlleries who purchase?
    Have you heard of easily satisfied woman or low maintainance woman?
    And i believe the non-materialistic woman usually blessed with more than she can use or spend.
    The best is she is
    "Zi chuk chang le"
    Amen.

    And please money is not the root of all evil but the LOVE OF MONEY IS.


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    1. Hi Temperament,

      Wahaha, I like your last sentence but everyone loves money! Maybe in this case is too much love for money, less for husband.

      Sometimes, not easy to open eyes big big because there can be one pattern before and another pattern after which. That's why it's good that you and your wife are aligned financially to a common goal, which is financial freedom. For others, maybe they are aligned to spending like there is no tomorrow.

      I think it's more of living within one's means and make the most out of it. Lucky you!

      Delete
  7. As a woman, am ashamed of such behaviour. If she needs more $$, she shld earn it herself since sge is abled bodied.
    Maybe she is just motivating her husband to work harder to earn more $$?

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    1. Hi Starlight,

      I don't think this behaviour is gender specific but only for this case. I also have some guy friends who spend all of their earnings and only their wives are saving up for the future.

      I don't know, this kind of motivation and resorting to kicking her husband out is a bit too extreme for me. Hopefully their relationship can weather all these. Thanks for reading! :)

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  8. Wow, what an incredible story. My friend's wife was remarking how, in Singapore, there's no way for the wife to stop working (she's pregnant). Cost of having kids is too high...

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    1. Hi Wei Qi,

      I think not true leh, we just need to know how to budget. I know of many families who only the blue-collar father is the breadwinner but yet able to bring up 4 kids to go to university. So, if people want to have kids then they got to live within their means, cook more often, don't go overseas or buy branded goods.

      Definitely need to sacrifice some luxury in life but can be done... :)

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  9. Aiya, why go through all this just to achieve happiness. Don't married, live alone, you will never have problem such as those you mentioned. In the end, too we have to separate, so why start in the first place and make your life tough.

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    1. Hi there,

      So pessimistic ah? Just because some of them have money problems does not mean all relationships are like that.. Plus an individual being alone can also have other kinds of problems... like loneliness.

      Even if in the end need to separate, at least there is a moment of happiness :)

      Delete
  10. Sigh... jes

    Got children some more. The marriage is going to the rocks sooner or later.

    Bother my crudeness.

    Guy no balls, girl no shame. How to work?
    Worse of all, seem like no money no love no honey.
    How to work?

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    1. Hi Silly investor,

      As usual, your crudeness though blunt is refreshing. I think each quarrel is a test of their relationship and they made up in the end so perhaps the husband is using other ways to 'tame' the wife.

      Relationships need hard work, so time is needed to align their financial goals. Maybe the children is keeping them together but if they put in effort, I think maybe there is a chance. Keeping my fingers crossed!

      Delete
  11. Hi Jes

    I was about to ask if they need the money because they don't have enough money or they just want more money. Same direction but different intention there, could have very serious repercussions.

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    1. Hi B,

      They have enough money to take taxi and go restaurants so I don't think they are that poor. My understanding is that they want more money but perhaps you are right, maybe they don't have enough to pay their debts. Either one suggests that they should cut down on their expenditures.

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